I was going to write about my college experiences and contrast the quintessential American college dream, but then I realized I was too tired to do it justice. Indeed, I probably shouldn't be writing this article right now either as, inevitably, I will end up cleaning up my paragraphs in the morning as surely as I'd be cleaning sloshed and spilled shots after a night of drinking. Writing fatigue is, unfortunately, something that I've had to deal with a lot since I picked writing back up. I do most of my writing after work now or after over-sleeping on the weekends and, as a result, I've had to contend with the many small errors and lapses of concentration that accompany being tired. For me though, this is just something that I have to deal with since waiting until I don't feel tired means that I don't write much, and I already don't write very often.
As I've gotten older I've noticed more and more how much fatigue influences my ability to perform. I don't think that I was ever really resistant to the effects of a sleep deficit when I was younger, I think I just didn't notice in the same way I do now. I've noticed the ways that it muddles my thinking, scatters my concentration, how it makes me feel physically weaker, and rasps my voice so that I can't sing right. I don't even always feel like I'm not performing well. When playing a game or practicing something I just slowly begin to mess up more frequently, until I reach a point where I feel as though I've somehow regressed. When typing tired I frequently make more mistakes like spelling errors, absentmindedly inserting wrong words, or repeating parts or repeating part of a sentence.
Writing fatigued makes practicing writing very difficult, because my memory is also affected. I don't retain as much of my practice as I would if I had practiced for the same amount of time in the morning. It's very easy to make mistakes when you are tired and, well, you play like practice. The lack of concentration further complicates the matter as it can make for weak or rambling sentences, lack of awareness (more spelling errors), and bland or reused word choice.
Writing is, mentally, a very high energy activity. My brain, and yours too, can only handle so much each day before it starts discarding bits of memory and attention. After a long day, especially one already spent dwelling on challenging thoughts, an activity like writing, (or chess, or detail-work) is daunting. Complex writing topics can feel like a wall when you're trying your best to make them work but your tired brain won't translate anything into text that doesn't read like a 5-year-old talking in circles. Even worse, sometimes my brain just outright quits like: "Nope, I've had enough. Sleep mode engage."
I look forward to a time in which I can write without feeling like I'm about to nod off at any moment. Most weekdays if I stop moving or drinking coffee long enough to catch my breath I feel like I'm about to fall asleep. I'd suspect that I have some sort of fatigue issue but the more likely story is that I'm over-worked, over-stressed, and highly over-caffeinated. I'm not sure if that affects my writing in ways beyond fatigue but it could go some way towards explaining why my posts feel like precariously stacked word-towers. I'm curious to know what sort of impression my writing gives readers; I'm far too biased to be able to tell what my own writing is like without a good two-month buffer between writing and review.
Perhaps the most detrimental aspect of writing tired is that I tend to focus on my problems. For me, at least, fatigue and negativity are closely related, it takes a lot of effort not to be negative when I am exhausted. My inspired ideas are easy drop when tired, that is, hard to keep vivid in my head. When I'm tired and negative however, all my negative thoughts are easy to pour out since they are at the forefront of my mind. People don't particularly care about your problems though unless they are invested in your life, or your particular problems For me this means that dwelling on my issues pretty much makes for uninteresting pieces. I end up working on writing about problems instead of working on something truly creative or challenging. Is writing about my problems cathartic? Yes, somewhat. As with most negative thoughts, however, I tend to go around in circles. The fatigue cycle is a difficult one to break without changing your circumstances and, unfortunately, my circumstances are not so easy to change.
