Friday, June 23, 2017

Things I Hate #10 - I Think We Know the Real Answer

Somehow I made it to #10. It only took me like 4 years and several lapses of motivation. And now here you have it, the  masterpiece  stunning  pretty good   mediocre article you've waited for!



1. 7 Credit Cards You Should Not Ignore If You Have Excellent Credit
Let it be known before-hand that I hate credit cards, so obviously I'm biased. I have one credit card and once I pay it off I will never, ever, carry a credit card again. In fact, I have sworn to never take out another loan or use credit again if it is within my power to avoid it. I'm certain that with the money I've paid in interest over the years I would be in a significantly better position than I am currently. With all that said I can't imagine people wanting a collection of credit cards, or even shopping around for credit cards. And I've never heard lines like "You have got to check out this credit card it's amazing."
The ad says these are cards you should not ignore. Sure, you can listen to the ad, but I think you'll be better off if you take my advice ignore them. Ignore them so hard.


2. Little Known Way To Pay Off Mortgage
I've covered this before so I'll keep this short. What kind of method do you think a site called LendingTree is going to suggest you use? I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with necromancing. (Hint: It's 'refinancing'.) Not exactly a little known way to pay anything off. Also, really, there is only one way to pay anything off. By putting money into it. By that line of thought the best way to pay something off is to increase your income. It's that simple.


3. What's Inside Slim Jims?
While I must admit this is actually an interesting article idea it's being served by Taboola. My suggestion? Just look up the article title on Google, or Bing, or whatever you use. Although, deep down we already know what's inside Slim Jims: copious fat, sodium, and the last of your self-respect.


4. 4 Items Every Man Shouldn't Leave Home Without This Summer
This article sounds...oddly specific. Like: 5 Nose-hair Trimmers No Woman Should Leave the Office Without This Autumn. Why? I can't imagine anything that I shouldn't leave home without except my phone, and my phone does the work of just about any other electronics I could think to bring. Well, I also bring my wallet. I travel pretty light. Oh, plus I usually bring my keys...and a pen. Come to think of it, the article says 'Items'. The picture is some phone (likely designed by someone recently concussed) implying that the 'Items' are electronics but, really, they could be anything. I'd say I named the items already if it didn't qualify the statement with 'This Summer'. Really? What items should I not leave home without 'This Summer' and This Summer only? Was there a mutant wasp outbreak caused by a solar flare? Oh there was? Oh, okay so the 4 items are wasp spray, radiation pills, spf 200 sunscreen, and a baseball bat for when you run out of wasp spray. Man, that must have been a crazy summer.


5. Hurry up to learn the trick : $30 for an iPad
Sound too good to be true? It isn't! Or, wait, no, I meant is. It IS too good to be true. I checked out one of this style of sites once. They want you to buy credits to bid on specific items, and if you're really lucky maybe you can grab an auction for less than it normally goes for. Like most auction sites though if it's a popular item other people are going to push the price into normal retail value range. Also, keep in mind that you paid upfront for credits to use on the auctions. You paid the auction site up-front. For every 1 guy who wins something on that site there or 20 or 30 who lost and aren't getting their pre-paid credits back. So basically it's a scam. I mean, it seems like it's technically legal, but it's still a big ass scam. There you go- a serious entry. And I only made attempt at being funny.


6. The 6 Worst Cars at the Detroit Auto Show 2013
Wow, look how hopelessly out of date this ad is. It most certainly isn't because I saved this image in 2013 and have been incredibly lazy about posting for going on 4 years. That would just be ridiculous!



Well that's all for this one. This was a rough one for me since there wasn't as much to work with. Hopefully the next one will be up (or down?) to their usual abysmal quality. 

No comments:

Post a Comment